Apne Movie and Apne Movie Review by TA

While watching the Deol Production's movie Apne, I started thinking about my Mother Nature and her people and all the objects and subjects that she's carrying. I started thinking in my quest to find any (and I say any) thing which can be worse than this movie. I couldn't think of any.

But then I opened the India's 'leading' film and entertainment website. And the review of Apne by none other than the greatest movie reviewer of all time, decades, centuries, millenniums and ages - the Great Taran Adarsh.

Seriously, I've never seen a worse movie review than this. Even hugely infamous Raja Sen's review of Paheli was way better than this.

See this:

APNE grips you gradually. Anil Sharma and writer Neeraj Pathak open the cards at the very outset. The uneasy relationship shared by the father and son [Dharmendra, Sunny], Dharmendra's failed ambition, the turning point in the tale [when Bobby steps in to fulfill his father's dreams] make the goings-on watchable. The narrative only gets absorbing when the focus shifts to the boxing ring and the opponent [Luca] steps into the picture

This is strictly OK although half of the 'absorbing' story is already told by TA. Now see this:

Also, the climax is well crafted, but, ideally, it should've ended when Sunny overpowers the opponent. The subsequent portions [Bobby's liver problem] only add to the excessive length.

To be fair to him we knew what would happen in the end. But as a reviewer the first lesson you learn is "do not disclose the whole story" however dumb that may be.

Anyway, apart from the story other part of the review is praising or criticizing the actors depending on which table of TA they belong to (Good Book or Bad Book).

Then praise the cinematography, location, camera angle, direction, art direction, eyelashes of the heroine, spot boys, lunch-boxes of the crew etc etc if the director or producer belong to Bollywood's 'elite' league of extra-ordinary film-makers.

And in the end, if the movie is utter trash - recommend for the 'masses'; if it is a good movie made by some other director/producer not in the above group - recommend only for the 'tiny section' of 'classes'; but if the movie is made by 'elite group' member - it is THE runaway blockbuster.

Like last week about Himesh's breathtaking movie 'Aap ka surroor', TA wrote:

The superb promotion [quality and quantity] has created tremendous excitement for the film, which will result in the box-office singing a glorious tune in the final tally. For its distributors, the fabulous opening will have them singing and laughing all the way to the bank. Critics be damned, this one's for the masses!

If only someone had filed a Public Interest Litigation against TA for ridiculing the intelligence level of Indian 'masses'.