Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Stop that Music - Its Friday

It reads like this:

Dear Dr. Chhillar,

Several of your neighbors have complained to management regarding an issue that needs immediate resolution on your part. An excessive noise disturbance has been reported coming from your apartment involving: Loud radio on Friday, May 18th as late as 9:00 pm to 11:00 pm. It has also been brought to my attention that the police were called.

You may be aware that your “loud stereo” are carrying into the neighboring apartments, but please know that you are disturbing the sleep of your neighbors.

We respectfully call this matter to your attention because it is important that everyone courteously respects the other persons’ right to the quiet enjoyment of their residences.

Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation in resolving this matter.


Asst. Property Manager

I saw the letter, I mean the gentle warning from my apartment authority and the first word (actually three) came from me is ‘what the fuck??!!’

My loud stereo – that’s news to me – is disturbing the sleep of my neighbors. Dude, it’s FRIDAY – Friday evening – start of the weekend – you know a word call ‘weekend’ where you get two days holidays. And you are trying to sleep!!!!!!

And the ‘loud stereo’ {a Creative 3 piece 7 watt speaker} that even I find hard to listen from living room when it plays in my bedroom.

I got only four neighbors and all four them are – yes you guessed it right – Desis. And the entire problem ends there.

I never got this right – why and how Desis in US live life as if they are living in an Indian village. There are so many things to do and only thing you do is to go to nearby Desi store twice a week, see the next Indian movie in theater and going to Niagara Falls once in a year. That’s it. What a waste of life. Even in a place like Chicago you go to sleep before 11pm on Fridays. What a waste!!!

Earn money, then earn some more money and then go back to India once your girl child reaches six years. In the meantime you just earned some more money. Simple logic.
And then we die.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

People of India ‘pushing’ for Progress

Yes that’s true. No more the nagging ever-developing cry-baby with outdated ideologies and railway systems, with sluggish economy and antiquated trucks, with anti-national media and rogue politicians.

We have enough.

Its time to push India to the new level of Development to fulfill our dream of being the next superpower. Or going to the next railway station.

Kudos to people of Bihar who proactively took the responsibility of torch-bearer of new India. Even when a Patna bound train got stopped in a ‘Neutral Zone’, hundreds of them got down, pushed the train and reached their destination.

Bravo!! My heartiest congratulations to the people of that train.
And to Mr Nitish Kumar who apart from instructing Police to force children to attend school, inspired a few hundred train travellers about taking responsibilities.

I guess given a choice Mr Nitish Kumar would make a paradise out of Bihar in 20 years, in a way one Mr Jyoti Basu made the neighboring state, albeit in a opposite direction.

Congratulations Indians!!! I believe in you!!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Desi Terminology


The most significant breed of human being in the western hemisphere (mainly in both sides of Atlantic), who is brown, starving of sex, carries GSM mobile and owns either a Dell Laptop or Toyota Camry.

Origin & Evolution of Desi

All Desis are originated from India, the most confused, versatile, powerful and happiest country in the 21st century.

After they leave India, evolution occurs in Desis. Few stay as FOBs as always, others try to change and adjust themselves to the ‘Gora' culture and 'Gora' accent. But both of the categories remain equally successful in Gora-dominated countries.

Types of Desi

Mostly all Desis are of same type. Desis in general are called to those people who have a root in India. But there are some people who are not citizens of India and hence aren’t quite like Indian Desis. Generally they are born and brought up away from India e.g. USA or UK. This breed is called ‘Confused Desi’ (CD). Although it has been seen in many instances that the Indian Desis are more confused than the CDs. The examples of CDs are:

ABCD: American Born Confused Desi

BBCD: British Born Confused Desi

Also there are some Indian Desis who are somehow not quite happy with India. They generally dislike anything which is Indian and always try to project themselves as better than Indian Desis. This type is called UBI - Unfortunately Born in India.

Category of Desi

Desis are divided into two categories

  • Desi Student
  • Desi Software Engineer or IT Professional

Desi Student

This breed is quite prevalent in United States of America. They have all the qualities a Desi should have plus they have that extra power of intelligence or money (not both) depending on their under-graduate college/school back in India.

Desi Software Engineer or IT Professional

This breed is growing day by day and quite happening lot now-a-days. They can be seen anywhere in the world from Tasmanian coast to Alaskan villages. They and their propagators back in India claim to solve any problem in the world but its not proven yet. Although their super-optimistic clients in the colder regions on earth still hope that their problems will be solved; hence they are investing billions of dollars on Desis.

Desi Party

A get together of five Desi guys and the girlfriend of fifth guy on the balcony with a 18-pack beer or a ‘khamba’ of white rum where the fifth guy leaves within an hour with his GF and others discuss the future of India and Indian Cricket for remaining four hours.


A 1.75 liter or 1.5 liter bottle of liquor depending on country.


Fresh of the Boat. Desis who still use water in the restroom.


White breed of the human being.


Black breed of the human being whom Desis envy because of their length.


The Chinese breed of the human being who share some ‘qualities’ of Desis, but Desis dislike their food habits.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Laws that control the Whole (Desi) World

1. Principal Law of Desi Philosophy

For every task there exist three ways to perform – the right way, the wrong way, and the Desi way which is doing the right thing in wrong way.

Three main Corollary of the Principal Law

Law of Desi Topology

For every destination there exist three distances to reach – the shortest distance, the longest distance and the Desi distance which is shorter than the shortest distance.

Law of Desi Home Science

Good foods and home decors are available in three price bracket – cheapest bracket, costliest bracket and Desi bracket which is cheaper than the cheapest bracket.

Law of Desi Intelligence

In every university there exist three types of students – the brilliant students, the dull students and the Desi students who are smarter than the brilliants.

2. Global City Theorem

A city that doesn’t posses any Desi in it makes itself null and void.

Explanation of the theorem:

Without any Desi a city becomes imaginary or it doesn’t exist.

Corollary of the Global City Theorem

Global Company theorem

A company that doesn’t posses any Desi in it makes it a one-man company where the owner is a non-Desi.

3. Principle of Company Success

The success of a company is directly proportional to the square of the number of Desis in it.

Explanation of the theorem:

Suppose the number of Desis in a company is PD and the success in terms of Billion dollars are SD. So according to principle

SD ∞ PD2

=> SD = KD*PD2

Where KD is a constant which depends on the country of the target company and the value of KD varies from 0 and 1. Some common example of KD is

KD for USA = 0.98

KD for UK = 0.93

KD for Chile = 0.11

4. Law of Extreme Desiness

When going gets tough, Desi gets smarter.

Explanation of the theorem:

In the hardest of time, thinking has to be laterally or rather Desically to manage and still maintain a pretty face in front of everyone. For example, one Desi doesn’t have enough money to enjoy a trip to Paris. So he borrows money from friend, buys the latest high-tech digital camera from Victoria Street Argos Store, goes to Paris, takes photos, downloads in to the notebook and returns the camera to Argos for ‘not liking it’.