Breaking News

That was a 'Breaking News' from Aaj Tak news channel of India Today group. The news is 'Amitabh Bachchan ko thand lagi' ('Amitabh Bachchan caught cold').

Now I'm totally against the people who are just ridiculing Aaj Tak for this. I think it was indeed a breaking news. Breaking news as per Wiki is "often loosely assigned to the most significant story of the moment or a story that is being covered live".

So if on that day "Amitabh caught cold" is the most significant story what would Aaj Tak do? They are a private enterprise to make money; they need to show 'breaking news' every 3rd hour otherwise the rival channel would 'break' some other news and subsequently Aaj Tak would loose the money.

We know that killing 15 policemen by Naxalites or killing innocent protesters by police or spreading of Bird flu virus and subsequently extra money given to voters for Panchayet election or giving financial support to the families of terrorist or China claiming Arunachal with Indian Leftists supporting them are never so important issues in any given day to be called breaking news.

A breaking news on a national channel has to be for the people to know instantly and react as to 'whoa' or 'oh my god' like 9/11 - America under attack or Eklavya selected as India's official Oscar entry or Shah Rukh Khan buys Kokatta team out of sheer love and passion for cricket or future prime minister Rahul Gandhi speaks a word in parliament after 457 days or why the Mughal king Akbar always marries his daughter-in-law in Bollywood movies.

These grave issues need to be brought forward in to the minds of people and what better way to do than to put them in 'breaking news' packets. Aaj Tak along with host of national news channels are doing a perfectly fine job in getting them.

As for the current news, Amitabh is from the first family of India (ok, second family after 10 Janpath government bungalow) and his actions wield a great power and impact on India's future. So it made perfect sense that channels are working their best to keep us updated. Bravo!

Bollywood Awards

What a nice and beautiful February season!

I couldn't be happier after seeing tons of tons snow being mixed with equal amount of salt creating a wonderfully over the tangent driving conditions inside a neat and healthy sub-zero temperature. Zillingly enjoyable!

And of course the conferring of most-coveted awards to the highly deserving Bollywood personalities who work their a** of outside the country and inside the film media sections. It was like a dream come true.

So after the conclusion of 14th Star Screen awards ceremony in January giving all important hints to the people waiting with baited breaths (a la Golden Globe gives for Academy Awards), the reverend Time of India group announced 53rd Filmfare Award nominations (Yes, The Oscars of India).

But there's a catch. TOI group doesn't give awards to everybody like Screen does but only to the most deserving candidates (for this reason some Bollywood brash young chap never attends any award show we heard)

Anyway, Screen gave 11 awards to the actors only including Best Child Artiste, Promising newcomers, people worked as a comedians (not jokers) and the villainous people like Hannibal Lector (oh I'm sorry. this is a Bollywood discussion). - and the villainous people like Arjun Rampal.

So Screen gave promising newcomer awards to Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor for their unforgettable performances in their respective films with other star kids in Neil Nitin Mukesh and Sonam Kapoor got sidelined triggering the 'intelligent' Rishi Kapoor to utter that 'this award is for my other beta Neil also'. How so beautiful!!! I love Bollywood.

But the toughest job for Screen people, I think, was searching few children who somewhat acted in a 2007 film in order to fill the nomination list and subsequently give the 'child actor' award to Darheel Safary for Taare Zameen Par; justified that Dassheel can't be nominated or given best actor award because SRK IS UNBEATABLE as Kabir Khan in Chak De India that changed Indian Hockey forever (I mean Knight Riders forever).

Other awards were easy as weasel or potatoes considering the nomination list, after discarding craps like Black Friday, had the earth-shattering performances from ground breaking movies such as 'Chak de Girls' (one entity) performing on the cricket field or Amir Khan shaking his bum in front of school kids. Absolutely brilliant!!!

Similarly brilliant was Pankaj Kapoor as the Best Villain. His Nandakishore in Blue Umbrella was so vile, so heartless, so menacing, so devilish that Anton Chigurh of No Country for Old Men would soil his pant after seeing the movie.

All in all a good heartwarming and satisfying award ceremony.

Now its time for TOI group to uncover the mystery and I'm quite upbeat that a great director like Farah Khan coupled with the greatest actor of our time - the SRK - would take most of the awards for their absolute mesmerizing stunner of a movie - Om Shanti Om.


P.S. I hear that Johny Depp and Gore Verbinski are so disheartened to see their Pirate movie fail to take any meaningful nominations even after collecting a mind-boggling $958 million that they are surreptitiously pushing for some Filmfare and Screen jury members into Academy.

Sarkars

Amitabh to Bal Thackeray: "Don't worry about Raj. Woh to bachha hai!! Woh kuch nehi kar sakta!!" (He's a kid. He can't do anything). [courtesy Selva Mani's dialog from 'Sarkar']

Incidentally I think Amitabh might be interested in another dialog of the same movie where Mani uttered in respect to Sarkar "Right or wrong kuch nehi hota hai. Jiske paas power hai uska wrong bhi right ho jata hai" (There are no Rights and Wrongs. Only Power).

Or is it Raj who is more interested in that? Or Bal Thackeray? Or Amar Singh? Or Sonia Gandhi? Or Buddhadev?
Whoever it is the looser is Me. Us. Indians. India.

Return

Oh, its been long since I posted one! Three months I think, crossing myself to the another calendar year ending one of the most memorable year I had.

The hiatus is not because I had become double (not in pounds) late last year but due to my current aggressive exploring of movies that made the names Hollywood and Bollywood thus resulting in watching at least one movie a day for last 60 days. Maybe this might be my first step in choosing another career taken that the US economy is entering into recession.

Anyway a magnificent year of 2007 ended in grand style with Tatas acquiring companies in 'white' parts of the world, Ambani bros fighting as to who would be the first to displace Bill Gates, Leftist in India trying hard that they are still loyal to China, Mamata continuing to prove that it needs a brain to become a politician and as an icing on the cake one Mr Modi winning against the English Indian Media spearheaded by CNN-IBN and NDTV with bunch of sidekicks in Tehelka, Outlook, Hindustan Times and Indian Express. It was a matter of time that their efforts were acknowledged by the Federal Government with throwing the 'highly prestigious' Padmashri award to some of them. I would advice Mr Yogendra Yadav, Mr Vinod Mehta, Mr Shekhar Gupta and Mrs Sagarika Ghose not to be disheartened and continue the good work so as to improving the chance of getting the award next year.

But one thing I can't forget in 2007 that I couldn't go out on 31st night to enjoy due to illness whereas 80 people went out and enjoyed in and out of the club. They even got to see the sexiest Indian dancing with them.



No, not the famous babe I'm talking about. That dude in the back has more curves, longer hairs and bigger boobs than Tanushree Dutta. And I thought she was the sexiest thing in India. Damn!

The Bugs' Story

I almost forgot about my blog. Its not forgetting as such but maybe my preoccupation with the external agents who were trying to impose some deadly rules on me. The happening past few weeks in my home due to my cheap Desi culture had me down and out. The root cause of the problem lied in two full size sofas I acquired from my friend for free.

Three days after I placed them in my living room, I started seeing rashes on my skin converted to big blisters on my skin converted to feeling of terror in returning home after work. And the Monster was none other than the most dangerous creature I've encountered in my life - Bedbugs (even taking into account the Cat, the Mouse, the Cobra and the Water-snake who all tested my blood in past).

So disposing the sofas, dismantling the bed, applying anti-bug fogger, vacuuming the floor and fleeing from my home for three days - I took a lot of drastic steps to give myself a relief - only to find bedbugs in my friend's house in Cleveland!


Anyway, Life goes on.

It doesn't stop - be it bedbugs or the death of Nuclear Deal. Even when we are utterly disgustingly ridiculed and humiliated in our own home by the bugs like creatures.

Thank God we are saved

Oh I'm relieved.

I'm so relieved that I drank three dirty martinis within half an hour yesterday evening that too in a weekday evening. And I ate rest of the olives too.

I'm relieved that at last we got such a great leader to save India, Hindus and Hinduism. The leader is none other than Mrs Sonia Gandhi who is now probably sipping in a cup of Arabic coffee (or maybe Sicilian wine we don't know) after saving Ram.

No, not the crook shop-owner Ram of our Galli. No no no, its not Ram Jethmalani also who comes in the nightmares of Sagarika Ghose. I'm talking about the Lord Ram or Rama of Ramayana, the epic "Mythology" of Hinduism.

Sonia saved Him.

In the darkest hour of Hinduism, when it was reeling under immense threat of extermination, the very existence of Hindu God Himself was hanging in wire, people were gasping for breath to know whether the Lord Ram existed or not so as to decide either to die or burn, Sonia appeared like Kalki (the last Avatar of Vishnu; with the white custom made bullet-proof BMW as the vahana) and saved Him.

Thank you madam. You not only saved a country of billion helpless people, you saved their own God and restore their faith on Him.

Left (is) Right Left (is) Right Left (is) Right Left (is) Right Left (is) Right....

Ok, this is a delayed write-up on the 123 Agreement or Indo-US Nuclear deal and the supremely powerful can-never-make-mistake Left’s role playing.

For last two weeks, I was confused with the avalanche of news article in the media printing deliberately conflicting statements from giant leaders like Karat, Bardhan, Yechuri – the hardliners and Buddha, Biman and Nirupam Sen – the soft-liners. That was blasphemous to Left ideology, as done by media, to draw two separate lines for the Lefts.

I guess I was hoping someone would clarify the Left’s comprehensive view without drawing any imaginary lines; and try to counter-attack the ‘Pro-US chamchas’ who are hell bent on making India ‘a junior strategic partner into the larger US game-plan of the ‘Empire Project’.

So it has surfaced after all what I was looking. Praful Bidwai, a vehemently loyal Leftist ‘intellectual’ assured us once again that “there is no live contact between the Indian Left and the Chinese Communist Party”. Which means there might be some ‘dead’ contacts between them.

I guess by that statement he wanted to convey either of two things:

The dead contacts between the Indian Left and the Chinese Communist Party are in a way our President (whom incidentally the Left had chosen after rejecting an array of who’s who wannabe Presidents ranging from looser politicians to eminent technocrats to the most popular Indian) makes contact with her Dadaji (a dead Godman) and “Dadaji comes into her”.

Likewise Indian Left could be making contacts with dead Chinese Communist Party leaders. Whether the Chinese leaders ‘come’ into our poor Leftists, Mr. Bidwai didn’t inform us.

Or the second guess could be that there is no live contact between them like personal meeting, socializing, getting Chinese message that ends with HJ/BJ/FJ or just drinking some rice wine together, but only dead contacts like phones, emails, mails, packets of gifts or just plain green printed papers otherwise known as American dollars.

In any case, Mr. Bidwai drove home the point what our Prime Minister is trying to do:

Dr Singh continues to pay lip-service to disarmament, but he knows fully well that the deal will enable India to stockpile 1,600 kg of plutonium every year -- enough for more than 300 bombs, in addition to the existing estimated inventory of 100-150 warheads. This is a recipe for a nuclear arms race with Pakistan, and worse, China, which can only reduce the security of all three States.

Notice the word ‘worse’. The Left doesn’t want any arms race with China. They don’t want India also to be a big powerhouse because that might hamper China’s growth to be the next superpower. And here we are discussing why the Indian Communists broke away into Pro-Russia and Pro-China factions during 1962 and not into Pro-India faction. You stupid jingoistic fools – learn from Communists as to how to love your neighbor.

I didn’t read a single line from 123 Agreement nor do I foresee what significance it has on India’s future but watching Left’s stand and their ‘national concerns’, I’m more than confident that the deal is good for India.

Diamond Jubilee Celebration

"Something is better than nothing" - old adage.

"Nothing is better than Nonsense" - my friend in university.

That's what it came to my mind after seeing the column of Sagarika Ghose on CNN-IBN. I don't remember if I ever seen such a blatant communal irrational anti-analysis of a highly significant decision that is taken in favor of the nation in an unbiased and rational manner.

That the questioning of the judgment as to why only Muslims are convicted (Sanjubaba and other convicts having Sanskrit names are exempt from her analysis anyway) and arguing that the equivalent number of Hindus must also be put into jail and/or ordered to the gallows in order to make it a 'secular' decision - made me sick at the level of cheap sensationalism and propagating of dangerous ideology of the 'Indian' English secular media.


For the not so blissfully ignorants who may have doubts about her capacity or capability in analysis, just to let them know hard that Sagarika Ghose is an 'eminent journalist' with two great qualifications as the daughter of Bhaskar Ghose, former director of Doordarshan and wife of Rajdeep Sardesai, currently CEO of CNN-IBN.


Meanwhile, Arjun Singh is maintaining the premier level of Gandhigiri by getting slapped fourth time (or is it fifth time?) by the Supreme Court on Higher Education Quota. Still he said that he's not perturbed about the slapping and would go for the fifth (or sixth) time. "How interesting!!!".

Happy Independence Day!!!

Apne Movie and Apne Movie Review by TA

While watching the Deol Production's movie Apne, I started thinking about my Mother Nature and her people and all the objects and subjects that she's carrying. I started thinking in my quest to find any (and I say any) thing which can be worse than this movie. I couldn't think of any.

But then I opened the India's 'leading' film and entertainment website. And the review of Apne by none other than the greatest movie reviewer of all time, decades, centuries, millenniums and ages - the Great Taran Adarsh.

Seriously, I've never seen a worse movie review than this. Even hugely infamous Raja Sen's review of Paheli was way better than this.

See this:

APNE grips you gradually. Anil Sharma and writer Neeraj Pathak open the cards at the very outset. The uneasy relationship shared by the father and son [Dharmendra, Sunny], Dharmendra's failed ambition, the turning point in the tale [when Bobby steps in to fulfill his father's dreams] make the goings-on watchable. The narrative only gets absorbing when the focus shifts to the boxing ring and the opponent [Luca] steps into the picture

This is strictly OK although half of the 'absorbing' story is already told by TA. Now see this:

Also, the climax is well crafted, but, ideally, it should've ended when Sunny overpowers the opponent. The subsequent portions [Bobby's liver problem] only add to the excessive length.

To be fair to him we knew what would happen in the end. But as a reviewer the first lesson you learn is "do not disclose the whole story" however dumb that may be.

Anyway, apart from the story other part of the review is praising or criticizing the actors depending on which table of TA they belong to (Good Book or Bad Book).

Then praise the cinematography, location, camera angle, direction, art direction, eyelashes of the heroine, spot boys, lunch-boxes of the crew etc etc if the director or producer belong to Bollywood's 'elite' league of extra-ordinary film-makers.

And in the end, if the movie is utter trash - recommend for the 'masses'; if it is a good movie made by some other director/producer not in the above group - recommend only for the 'tiny section' of 'classes'; but if the movie is made by 'elite group' member - it is THE runaway blockbuster.

Like last week about Himesh's breathtaking movie 'Aap ka surroor', TA wrote:

The superb promotion [quality and quantity] has created tremendous excitement for the film, which will result in the box-office singing a glorious tune in the final tally. For its distributors, the fabulous opening will have them singing and laughing all the way to the bank. Critics be damned, this one's for the masses!

If only someone had filed a Public Interest Litigation against TA for ridiculing the intelligence level of Indian 'masses'.

Few glimpses of 2007 F1 race in Indianapolis

Feeling sad that Formula 1 bosses decided to scrap the historical F1 race from Indianapolis Motor Speedway from next year 'due to lack of enthusiasm' in the US. They are now trying to venture into more 'enthusiastic ' (read more sponsors and money) places like Bahrain, China and UAE.

Here's a video of the amazing race of Indianapolis F1 taken from my camera.

The video of Nico Rosberg's engine on fire

And a few snaps under 100 degree temperature

Facts about India

Indian History

Indian history runs from 5000 BC - when Rama fought and defeated equally powerful Ravana and became king of Bharat aka India aka Des - till 2004 AD when India became a socialist country. In between India has been, chronologically, Ramarajya (country of absolute peace and happiness), not so happy country, divided country, medley of kingdoms, united medley of kingdoms, united to fight against each other, divided to kill each other, united kingdoms (not UK), Islamic country, Hindu-Islamic country, Islamic country, market for a British company, British colony, part of British empire, crown jewel of British empire, independent country, socialist country, non-aligned country, communist country, stooge of Soviet Russia, socialist country, capitalist country, neo-capitalist country and again socialist country.

Indian Geography

India is divided into three parts – north India, south India and northeast

North India is located egoistically and geographically in the northern side of south India. The people from this region feel vehemently proud of their lighter brown color and total control of Hindi, the national language of (north) India. The area is occupied by numerous states – some healthy, some sick, some intellectual and some ‘hap without any cause’.

South India is geographically south of north India but mentally very closer to US. This region is sub-divided into four ferociously ‘competitive’ states. Once Gulf used to be the most sought after destination for all able and unable people of this region, but for the last fifteen years that is been replaced by US.

Northeast is a collage of seven small states that nobody cares including the federal government which incidentally cares only for its re-election by any means.

Indian Economy

Economically India is the only country to have gone from economical giant to absolutely undeveloped to perpetual developing. India’s next target is to become ‘superpower’ skipping the next step of being ‘developed’.

Indian Population

Indian population is strictly divided equally on each and any issue. Public opinions do not matter at all in any decision making process, still everyone gives their opinions albeit in a junk place. Under the federal constitution all people are equal but some people are more than equal namely politicians, criminals (superset of politicians), cops, relatives of cops, smart friends of relatives of cops, celebrities and men in Delhi.

Indian Language

English is the only language for claiming respect unless one is a Tamilian. Other significant languages are used by different people according to the following table:

Hindi – spoken by Rickshaw and Taxi drivers

Bengali – spoken by Pseudo-Intellectuals

Marathi – spoken by BEST bus conductors

Kannada - spoken by people from Bangalore who don't like 'outsiders'

Tamil – spoken by proud people

Telugu – spoken by all NRIs in US (Non Resident Indians)

Indian Media

India is the land of “breaking news”. Every minute one news ‘breaks’ in different news channel. Number of news channel is more than the total number of journalists in India. But all the news channel have one thing in common apart from lack of journalists and ethics - they are all ‘secular’.

Indian Social System

Indian society is vertically divided into two key issues - People who supports Saurav Ganguly and people who hates Saurav Ganguly. In other very important issue people are divided on supporting BJP (a nationalist political party) and hating BJP. There’s no scope of middle path or indifference.

Indian Festivals: Things you didn't know

When a school-kid commented “al quedea,,,,,,,,,i mean sanjaya,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hahahaha” in the TMZ site for the allegedly hilarious Sanjaya’s Bill Vendall spoof, I did not laugh. But a little bit scroll down and I got the most amusing and interesting comment which by the way was the reply for the above ‘supposedly’ moronic comment. Here the girl said

You're an absolute idiot. You don't (know) the difference between an Indian and an Arab.

I could care less that you're trying to rip on Sanjaya, but I'm floored that you don't know the difference between countries of origin, and ethnicities and religions/cultures.

Here's a clue: Indians -- from country of India -- are NOT Arabs and their religion is Buddhist or Christian; they are not Muslim. The country of India, and it's people, are one of the most, if not the most, peaceful country in this world; No Indian has ever been a "terrorist".

Actually she posted few more times with lot more ‘stronger’ arguments as to why Indians – whose religion are Buddhist and Christian – are not ‘terrorists”. Nice job girl!!! Any chance you live in Chicagoland?

Anyway….

Now, I was about to unlock my gun on my proud Indian shoulder to fire a hose-full black lava of venoms on American school system as to how ignorant they can be and how ill-informed the school children might be, suddenly I looked into the Indian government website (and consequently put down my gun).

There she is. I mean my India and her official website. Divided the greetings card section – only fun section for school kids obviously – into four categories – Celebrations, Heritage, Festivals and Glimpses of India. Festivals are listed top to down like this:

Christmas
Good Friday
Eid
Diwali
Holi
Durga Puja
Ram Navami
Gurpurab
Ganesh Chaturthi
Raksha Bandhan
Makar Sankranti
Buddha Purnima
Pongal
Rath Jatra

I tried - even with closing my eyes like one Mr. Gandhi told us to do; even with gulping five pegs of vodka over apple pucker and then red bull - not to read between the lines, yet my dumb eyes got stuck there.

Now to display a list of more than one entities of same kind, one has to sort it. So as is the case with Indian festivals – let’s take Indian government site list as a comprehensive list – we can sort it in all the different orders available and used worldwide today - chronological, alphabetical and size-wise (biggest to smallest). Since Eid is kind of variable chronologically, we can take as the year 2007 as has been done in many countries.

Then the three sorting order will look like below:





So are the festivals listed randomly? Or does it represent the obvious open secret?
Here are some well known snippets:

Any flyover or road built is never used by the poor, so don’t build any.
Increase in GDP doesn’t help poor, so there’s no point in increasing.
CEOs of corporations shouldn’t take high salaries because 50% of Indians are poor.
Abdul Kalam can’t be the President because there are people present with equal caliber.
And I’m writing this blog, because I’m a Hindu fanatic.

Stop that Music - Its Friday

It reads like this:

Dear Dr. Chhillar,

Several of your neighbors have complained to management regarding an issue that needs immediate resolution on your part. An excessive noise disturbance has been reported coming from your apartment involving: Loud radio on Friday, May 18th as late as 9:00 pm to 11:00 pm. It has also been brought to my attention that the police were called.

You may be aware that your “loud stereo” are carrying into the neighboring apartments, but please know that you are disturbing the sleep of your neighbors.

We respectfully call this matter to your attention because it is important that everyone courteously respects the other persons’ right to the quiet enjoyment of their residences.

Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation in resolving this matter.


Sincerely,

{Name}
Asst. Property Manager

I saw the letter, I mean the gentle warning from my apartment authority and the first word (actually three) came from me is ‘what the fuck??!!’

My loud stereo – that’s news to me – is disturbing the sleep of my neighbors. Dude, it’s FRIDAY – Friday evening – start of the weekend – you know a word call ‘weekend’ where you get two days holidays. And you are trying to sleep!!!!!!

And the ‘loud stereo’ {a Creative 3 piece 7 watt speaker} that even I find hard to listen from living room when it plays in my bedroom.

I got only four neighbors and all four them are – yes you guessed it right – Desis. And the entire problem ends there.

I never got this right – why and how Desis in US live life as if they are living in an Indian village. There are so many things to do and only thing you do is to go to nearby Desi store twice a week, see the next Indian movie in theater and going to Niagara Falls once in a year. That’s it. What a waste of life. Even in a place like Chicago you go to sleep before 11pm on Fridays. What a waste!!!

Earn money, then earn some more money and then go back to India once your girl child reaches six years. In the meantime you just earned some more money. Simple logic.
And then we die.

People of India ‘pushing’ for Progress

Yes that’s true. No more the nagging ever-developing cry-baby with outdated ideologies and railway systems, with sluggish economy and antiquated trucks, with anti-national media and rogue politicians.

We have enough.

Its time to push India to the new level of Development to fulfill our dream of being the next superpower. Or going to the next railway station.

Kudos to people of Bihar who proactively took the responsibility of torch-bearer of new India. Even when a Patna bound train got stopped in a ‘Neutral Zone’, hundreds of them got down, pushed the train and reached their destination.

Bravo!! My heartiest congratulations to the people of that train.
And to Mr Nitish Kumar who apart from instructing Police to force children to attend school, inspired a few hundred train travellers about taking responsibilities.

I guess given a choice Mr Nitish Kumar would make a paradise out of Bihar in 20 years, in a way one Mr Jyoti Basu made the neighboring state, albeit in a opposite direction.

Congratulations Indians!!! I believe in you!!!

Desi Terminology

Desi

The most significant breed of human being in the western hemisphere (mainly in both sides of Atlantic), who is brown, starving of sex, carries GSM mobile and owns either a Dell Laptop or Toyota Camry.

Origin & Evolution of Desi

All Desis are originated from India, the most confused, versatile, powerful and happiest country in the 21^st century.

After they leave India, evolution occurs in Desis. Few stay as FOBs as always, others try to change and adjust themselves to the ‘Gora' culture and 'Gora' accent. But both of the categories remain equally successful in Gora-dominated countries.

Types of Desi

Mostly all Desis are of same type. Desis in general are called to those people who have a root in India. But there are some people who are not citizens of India and hence aren’t quite like Indian Desis. Generally they are born and brought up away from India e.g. USA or UK. This breed is called ‘Confused Desi’ (CD). Although it has been seen in many instances that the Indian Desis are more confused than the CDs. The examples of CDs are:

ABCD: American Born Confused Desi

BBCD: British Born Confused Desi

Also there are some Indian Desis who are somehow not quite happy with India. They generally dislike anything which is Indian and always try to project themselves as better than Indian Desis. This type is called UBI - Unfortunately Born in India.

Category of Desi

Desis are divided into two categories

• Desi Student
• Desi Software Engineer or IT Professional

Desi Student

This breed is quite prevalent in United States of America. They have all the qualities a Desi should have plus they have that extra power of intelligence or money (not both) depending on their under-graduate college/school back in India.

Desi Software Engineer or IT Professional

This breed is growing day by day and quite happening lot now-a-days. They can be seen anywhere in the world from Tasmanian coast to Alaskan villages. They and their propagators back in India claim to solve any problem in the world but its not proven yet. Although their super-optimistic clients in the colder regions on earth still hope that their problems will be solved; hence they are investing billions of dollars on Desis.

Desi Party

A get together of five Desi guys and the girlfriend of fifth guy on the balcony with a 18-pack beer or a ‘khamba’ of white rum where the fifth guy leaves within an hour with his GF and others discuss the future of India and Indian Cricket for remaining four hours.

Khamba

A 1.75 liter or 1.5 liter bottle of liquor depending on country.

FOB

Fresh of the Boat. Desis who still use water in the restroom.

Gora

White breed of the human being.

Kalla

Black breed of the human being whom Desis envy because of their length.

Chapta

The Chinese breed of the human being who share some ‘qualities’ of Desis, but Desis dislike their food habits.

Laws that control the Whole (Desi) World

1. Principal Law of Desi Philosophy

For every task there exist three ways to perform – the right way, the wrong way, and the Desi way which is doing the right thing in wrong way.

Three main Corollary of the Principal Law

Law of Desi Topology

For every destination there exist three distances to reach – the shortest distance, the longest distance and the Desi distance which is shorter than the shortest distance.

Law of Desi Home Science

Good foods and home decors are available in three price bracket – cheapest bracket, costliest bracket and Desi bracket which is cheaper than the cheapest bracket.

Law of Desi Intelligence

In every university there exist three types of students – the brilliant students, the dull students and the Desi students who are smarter than the brilliants.

2. Global City Theorem

A city that doesn’t posses any Desi in it makes itself null and void.

Explanation of the theorem:

Without any Desi a city becomes imaginary or it doesn’t exist.

Corollary of the Global City Theorem

Global Company theorem

A company that doesn’t posses any Desi in it makes it a one-man company where the owner is a non-Desi.

3. Principle of Company Success

The success of a company is directly proportional to the square of the number of Desis in it.

Explanation of the theorem:

Suppose the number of Desis in a company is P_D and the success in terms of Billion dollars are S_D. So according to principle

S_D ∞ P_D²

=> S_D = K_D*P_D²

Where K_D is a constant which depends on the country of the target company and the value of K_D varies from 0 and 1. Some common example of K_D is

K_D for USA = 0.98

K_D for UK = 0.93

K_D for Chile = 0.11

4. Law of Extreme Desiness

When going gets tough, Desi gets smarter.

Explanation of the theorem:

In the hardest of time, thinking has to be laterally or rather Desically to manage and still maintain a pretty face in front of everyone. For example, one Desi doesn’t have enough money to enjoy a trip to Paris. So he borrows money from friend, buys the latest high-tech digital camera from Victoria Street Argos Store, goes to Paris, takes photos, downloads in to the notebook and returns the camera to Argos for ‘not liking it’.

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